A comedic skit
Overview: A couple are having a disagreement about the complements given. The man is excessive in his adoration to his wife while she is frustrated by his empty words.
Setting: It can be anywhere so long as the space is private enough for a husband to flirt with his wife.
Husband: Darling (pause), my love burns for you like a thousand suns!
Wife: Honey (reproaching tone) Let’s be more realistic. Your love doesn’t burn like a thousand suns. If anything, it burns like a lightbulb. Switched on or off by will!
Husband: But my dear (weakly exclaims), I’m trying to romance you.
Wife: uhuh(negation), there’s a difference between romance and whatever that is. Plus, it’s not even original. You’re biting off Shakespeare!
Husband: ahh! Can’t a man sweet-talk his woman?
Wife: He may if he’s sincere and original.
Husband: Okay, honey. I’ll keep that in mind.
The Next Day
Husband: My Darling, my love burns for you like a fire! (Hoping to charm her)
Wife: A fire… really? Only to be extinguished by my cold shoulder. What kind of love is that?
Husband: But I was trying. If you please, let me start over.
Wife: Fine, go ahead.
Husband: As far as the east is from the west, so too…
Wife: Is that from the Bible? (interrupts) What did we say last time?
Husband: Since when did you read the bible?
Wife: I don’t, but I heard it all the time at church as a kid.
Husband (to himself): I’m never gonna win.
The Next Day
Setting: A dressing room or a space with a mirror for the wife to admire herself.
Wife: Honey, how do I look?
Husband: You look like a cherry tree in full blossom.
Wife: A cherry tree? (disgusted)
Husband: What’s the problem now?
Wife: Do I look like I’ve ever seen a cherry tree? This is Botswana! That could be the most hideous thing ever.
Husband: Look! (shows a picture on the phone ) Don’t think the worst of me.
Wife: Aww, they’re so pretty. (She drops her guard for a moment) Wait! Aren’t these those trees I always see in your funny anime?
Husband: And if they were, what difference would it make? (He says pointing the phone at her as if she is guilty).
Wife: Cultural appropriation my dear! Cultural appropriation! (Pushing his phone down) We live in beautiful Africa, and here you go as a writer advertising foreign plants. (She moves towards the window or space that is occupied by nature, extending her hands to it) Home is never good enough huh? ( she turns back to face him)
Wife: Why couldn’t you say a jacaranda tree in full blossom?
Husband: My Darling… jacaranda trees aren’t indigenous to Africa. They’re from South America.
Wife: Ohh… uhh. Then a syringa.
Husband: They’re from Asia. In fact, both those trees are invasive species.
Wife: Mxm! Actually, since when did you know all these things? Telling me about plants. Ekse, how about you tell me my favourite flower? Would you keep that information in mind?
Husband: Ahhh! (he chokes) Darling what can I say? You know, oh. (pretends his phone is ringing) I think someone is calling me. YES! (runs off)
The Next Day
Husband: Baby, I love you.
Wife: Don’t tell me about love… show it!
Husband: Ahh, but I married you, bought you a diamond ring and drive you around town like a taxi. Is that not love?
Wife: No, those are obligations as a husband. It’s expected.
Husband: Eish! (Slaps his forehead)
Samuel Rubadiri 